i think i love you.

or did i love you?

do i still love you?

well, heres a fact..

everytime i remember one of the little,

nice moments we had,

my heart would sink.

because, really..

it makes me sad to know we had that much,

but things just didnt turn out right.

i still feel, i've never felt for anyone like i did for you.

and that is why i'm unwilling to let go.

because i don't know when i'll feel this way again.

not swinging around like some branch that gets pushed by the wind.

but having someone you really love.

I think Cupid probably shot me with his stupid arrow,

cause i don't think i ever imagined myself saying the things i do now.

about the guy i fell for.

i love your voice, haha.

although i hate that i have to love it from afar.

my mood changes for just that little amount of time when you're in the same room i'm in.

i become happy. for just that little while.

i have nothing to say to you, even though i wish i could talk like there was no tomorrow.

then we go our seperate ways,

and i start to wish i could be with you..

but its like wanting what you can't have.

its never going to happen, i think i know.

but i can't stop myself from liking you.

i remember those times we had.

it makes me sad to know we had those, yet everything turned out the way it did.

"so i act cool, on the outside, but its eating me alive.

cause when it comes to you, theres nothing i can do, i can't make you love me when you don't.

I see it in your eyes, all the compromise, i can't take another slow goodbye."

lol i ended up not using this blog as much as i wanted to.

so i'll just make this the blog where i say things i dont put on my main blog.

who'll read this anyway? besides ppl like u, hor joycepoon? heh.

but just so i dont defeat the purpose of having a supposed 'english improvement blog',

i'll still use proper english. ^^

i think my heart is sick.

wish i could cry it out. my heart hurts a lot sometimes when i cry.

i like that pain.

but tears don't come for me that way.

i can't just cry when i want to.

to cry for the loss of that someone i never felt such feelings for,

to cry because i have so much to do to live up to the expectation i have of myself,

to cry because sometimes i feel like such a bitch and i wana curl up in a ball and hide away alone in one dark corner so i wont have to face people agian.

for the people who read this, dont tell me to cheer up, cuz on the outside i really am cheered up. i'm very happy that God's blessed me with such a cheerful attitude to things. you'll never catch me not smiling for a whole day.

dont tell me to move on, its getting irritating cuz i am moving on. things like that dont just happen overnight.

dont tell me that i'll get over it, and not to worry. i know that already.

don't tell me to forget about him. i don't want to.

just let me feel the way i'm feeling, because i've never felt for someone like this before, and i don't think i will be for a while.

gosh i've become such an emo. sigh.

okay but i'm really quite stressed cuz i always fall asleep in class and i miss out in lessons, so like, sometimes chunks of info's missing in my brain and i cant understand some of the work i have to do. argh! someone invent some pill to keep a person wide awake!

Love..

1 corinthians 13:4

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."

Yet it seems, in this world, most 'love' does fail.

Friendships turned into hate,

Relationships gone sour,

Marriage turned into divorce.

The world is full of shit.

But find God, and you'll find true love.

Truly unconditional and overflowing love.

The love in this world is always conditional.

I love you, but i wish you'd love me back.

I love you, but i wish you'd do more for me.

I love you, but i wish you'd stop arguing with me.

I love you, but can you kick that idiotic habit of yours.

God doesn't care what you do, who you are, why He should love you in the first place.

God chooses to be blind in love.

Why should He, a pure and infinite God, love a puny, sinful, dirty race?

Yet love us, He does. No matter what we do, He will love us.

and its not as if we should obey His commands because He is who He is. We should naturally want to serve Him and please Him, because of the mere fact that His love for us exceeds all else.

We can choose to be complacent christians - because God will love us all the same, but knowing this, WILL we still want to do nothing in return?

ugh. i find it so hard to think up a topic thats different from all the rest, so i shall dedicate this entry to the difficulty of  getting original ideas nowadays.

It seems like every out-of-the-box idea has already been thought of. At least, it does to me. 

I wonder if people in the earlier century felt this way. Yet there've been so many new inventions since then. Maybe our brains are so limited to only the possibilities of things that are already around us, and we find it hard to think of something different. Something seemingly impossible.

Reading the article on Indonesia's ferry accident made me think.

Life really is fragile, no matter how you look at it.

A stroke, a fire, a tsunami, or, in this case, a sinking ferry.

Death comes in unexpected ways.

I imagine, being on that ferry. Amongst so many other countrymen, all waiting for the vessel to bring us to our destination. Losing my life would be the last thing on my mind.

Disasters can hit us anytime, anywhere. Take the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami for instance. Wives of fishermen and their children awaited their arrival at the beaches, while tourists looked out their hotel windows, enjoying the view. But within a few minutes, everything within reach of the huge waves became a mess of destroyed buildings and screaming people.

Maybe, from this, people should learn to treasure their lives more. Live their days more meaningfully. But the idea never does actually sink into one's head. Without a firsthand account of an actual disaster or near-death experience, who would truly realize how precious life is, or how easily lost it can be? Even sitting here in front of the computer screen and typing all this out, I know I have never fully appreciated this life given to me.

I guess what makes people brush off the thought of dying, possibly in the next second, is our never ending string of things to do. There is always somewhere to go, meetings to attend, studying to do, that we never stop to think of whats important.

okay i decided to stop here cuz I think this topic of treasuring life is SO CLICHE. =_=

ah well.. gotta start thinking more of what to write now. sigh.